Sexuality is often one of those things people have great difficulty discussing. So much of the time, people have sex, but they do not have discussions about sex. I wonder how many of you do not really discuss sex with your partner(s).
I see many people in my office and on the phone who are very sexually active and are quite open minded. However, it is very interesting to see that so many of them do not have solid adult to adult conversations about sex. The lack of these conversations seems to result in misunderstandings. I think of the classic story about the woman who fakes her orgasm because she is afraid to tell her partner what feels good. Maybe she thinks her partner will be offended if she asks him/her to do a little less of that or a little more of this. Once the pattern has been established, she has been “faking” for years! How do you get out of that one? You start by taking the tough step of acknowledging it and then focusing on needs.
I also see many couples who end up with diseases or feeling let down by their sexual experiences. This is all because there is not honest face to face discussion before the sexual activities begin. Remember, your partner(s) is not going to know what feels good to you unless you tell him or her! This is very important. Sometimes, the lack of communication causes one to be lax about safer sex…and disease(s) happen.
I want you to look at how comfortable you are TALKING about sex, not having it. Chances are, if you are able to increase your comfort level with discussing this, then you will have a much better and safer sex life.